New converts are funny to watch. I mean converts in anything–the faith, yoga, home ownership. They throw themselves into their new passion with a great pride and zeal that others always congratulate them on. But, who cheers us on when the zeal fades?
Recently, I’ve gotten back into yoga, and I guess you could call me a new convert. I’ve thrown myself into the practice rather responsibly. I don’t overdo it. I’m resting when I need to. However, I still find myself day dreaming about my play time (yoga time). I find myself going over different flows in my head, counting down the moments until I can try it out on the mat. Once I get to the mat, it’s such a relief. Sometimes, the flow I imagined is successful by my body. Other times, it is not (looking at you crow pose). The practice in itself requires honesty and commitment. I must be honest about where I am and where I began. I must be committed to continuing, even on days where I sense no progress.
I find that most things in life are like yoga, particularly school. Lately, for the past month or so, I’ve felt that zeal for school fading. It seemed to have disappeared overnight. Almost regularly, I’m asking, “Why did I begin?” That question goes unanswered still. I’ve gotten to the point where because I don’t see my M. Div. taking me anywhere, I have stopped. I have stopped all things except for attendance. It is a miracle I am still passing. But, if yoga and Jesus have taught me anything, it’s that we continue into the unknown. That march into the unknown isn’t always brave. I might forget what the goal is. I might find myself to be more lonely than I expected. But, I know what will result is a more honest Aisha, a more committed Aisha. Most days, that’s all I can ask for.
I don’t know where or if this post finds you, dear reader, but I hope wherever you are, whatever you’re doing that you continue. Hold on just a little while longer. Stay committed. Soon, you’ll remember why you began. In the words of a very wise fish, “Just keep swimming!”